Sometimes just staying in my little, hot, dark room listening to my favorite songs make me sane.

Have you guys ever heard of Sugar hiccup....yes there back. After 10 years! Hehehe.

I have this weird feeling that they got their name from the song of The Cocteau Twins.. I both love their music genre. The Cocteau Twins are Scottish and their songs are like hymns from angelic opera singers. Not the Charlottle Church type, its more of the Enigma minus the Goth and Enya with less clarity in the lyrics. But its so cool.

Music transports me to a place where i can be myself. I wish im a the beach right now. Looking at the sunset while getting a massage. I need a massage! My soul and body is so battered with my own doing.

I want to go to church. To talk to God. I want to run away but im too lazy to move. I wish Scottie would beam me up from here.


I read that everyday a person should find 5 good things about themselves. If you find it hard to begin you can start with your physical features or try to look at your favorite person and see if there are traits that you share. Do this everyday and write it on a paper. Post it on your mirror and read each one out loud to remind you how beautiful you are.

I made the longest letter to my Boss today. I was telling him of my day at work. He is one of the few people who could understand my kalokohan and kahibangan like a man, father and friend rolled in one. He gives the best eye opening advise an interrupted girl should know.

I miss him. I miss Jogie and his antics. I was so glad to see him the other day. If i wasnt that sick i would have blab all through out the trip but i was under the weather so the ultimate taga tawa nanaman ako.




Today is one of those bittersweet days in my life. Lonely because our Tranche, after 2 months of being together will be distributed to different teams on the floor. The sad part there is that we wont see each other as often as we should like. Its like before you get sick seeing that person everyday but now you feel sick inside for missing them. Happy because we know that we have reached the point in our HSBC life that everything we learned will be applied and that everyday is a learning experience.

Change is inevitable. Life is worth living. We are here to learn and enjoy the trip. So cruise with me baby. Lets have fun. Live and let live.

I miss something as well. Ive been waiting for it for 2 weeks now, i hope it shows up.

Something cute and funny to cheer the soul up. Got this link from another blog, sorry i forgot where.

Try it out.

When im down i want to be with the likes of Keane, Mishka Adams and Maria Mena. Just listening to them makes me feel that i am not alone. That they know how i feel. Im still down. Maybe because its a Monday? Or because there are so many things to do so little time. I keep on cancelling appointments and i feel i dont want to see people. I want to crawl in a shell and hybernate.

Here are excerpts from Maria Mena's songs that reflects me:

What could you possibly see in me?
Is it my soul hung out to dry? ( Am i that exposed?)
No it's not you it's me
And it's not us it's them ( Yeah blame somebody else)
What could you possibly love in me?
Is it the way I wear my smile
It hangs from the tipof my tongue you see
Oh this might take awhile... ( I can be pleasant if i can manage to be, im not a bad person...im just tired )
-Your Glasses

Well except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars I'm fine
Oh except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars I'm fine (Im a big girl, I can do this.)
I know they think I'm crazy
But everything I am, is everything I was taught to be (This is me...drunk with life's alcohol, battered by its punches, but i know i am StronG)
-A Few Small Bruises

I wish you'd see it on my face
But I'm caught up in those long lost days
And how can I then make you see
When I don't even know me ( When youre lost in this state of loneliness and drown in its deepness even if you kick so hard....you have to kick harder to survive)
Following my footsteps home
This time I'm walking alone
Trying hard to be someone
I don't even know ( I am sane, or am i? I am guided by the Almighty and He gives me blessings to support me in this journey)
- Shadow

I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been tought to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you`ve made pain into something I could touch (The state of being alone is quite welcoming for a broken soul)

I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah this time I'll just have to...

And I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free... I want to be free from this state. Mind over matter!!!
- Free


This song is for the people who helps me move on:

You're the only one who
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean Thanks for being there guys....iloveyou!

But you're the only one who knows how to handle me ( These guys are different people but when it comes in dealing with me....they know how to manage.)
- Youre the only one

This is my song for myself:

Just a little bit stronger
Just a little bit wiser
Just a little less needy ( I sound so hopeless)
And maybe i'd get there.

Clearly, clearly I remember
Nervous if ever confronted
And questioning myself

Perhaps, perhaps if I got better
Perhaps if I challenged myself
Perhaps if I was ) I know i can do this!)
- Just a little bit

I was TAGGED.



1. How many schools did I go to?
THREE. Villamor Air Base Kindergarten School at 5 years old.
Malate Catholic School (from Kinder - 4th year Highschool) True to my Faith. Loyalty Graduate
St. Scholastica's College.

2.Was I the class "taiko" or the teacher's pet?

I dont think so. I was the teacher's peeve most likely. Especially in highschool because i was rebellious and i felt that we rule the school. In college, when i was a bit mature i tried to befriend most of my prof.

3.What was the biggest rule I broke in school?
I tore a picture of Mickey Arroyo in a Youngster magazine when i was in highschool. Forgive me i was juvenile and stupid. Other than that, i never wanted the principal to call my parents so i was doing my dirty deeds in private.

4.Three subjects I enjoyed:
English, especially the SRA kits and Literature and Poem Reading. Filipino, i realized i like reading stories and making them hahahahaha. Biology, i love learning Genes and Reproduction and the difference we make in as human beings. If there is a fourth, it would be Christian Living.

5.Three teachers that inspired me
Mrs. Carandang, our Christian Living teacher. She gave me another good reason to hear mass on Sunday other than oogling at my crush, the Sacristan.
Rey Trillana, my prof in Sociology in college. Damn! I could debate with him and be a friend after class.

Sorry i could only name two. The rest are all equals.

I am tagging Hanz, Ibyang, Angie and Jeff

Im staying up late and waking up sweaty at noon . I hate catching myself watching the sunrise in my room. I dont want to move but my mind cant stop. I wish to hibernate but there are too many things to do out here.

I feel im being a Mitch Dulce in PBB.

Oh and i miss watching PBB Uplate.

Give me space! But right now, i cant afford to be so low.

I had one of those bad days again. A day that you wished everything would freeze around you and you walk among them escaping reality. I often get that fantasy. Walking among men unseen, invisible or just like air. Sometimes i wish if i wish too hard it would come true.

Does that make me an escapist? I think, sometimes we just need to find a way to cope and hide from the reality of life.

Am i a coward not to face it head on? Maybe. Im not shy to admit it and because im a very transparent person, its so obvious.

I have two persons who i like to talk to freely without pretension and one omnipotent being. Its Hanzel and my 7 year old brother Rafael, to get a kids point of view. Of course the latter is The Almighty.

I want to leave you with a text message that strenghten me in that one day madness:

Prayer is not a spare tire we pull out when we feel our life has gone flat.
Prayer is the steering wheel that helps direct our life in the right path.

The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones. (Wait lang, this line is not so right!)
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

Arena (known to self and others)	Blind Spot (known only to others) adaptable, bold, brave, caring, cheerful, confident, dignified, extroverted, friendly, happy, idealistic, independent, intelligent, loving, powerful, self-conscious, sentimental, silly, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self)	Unknown (known to nobody) able, accepting, calm, clever, complex, dependable, energetic, giving, helpful, ingenious, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, mature, modest, nervous, observant, organised, patient, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, sensible, shy, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

85% of people think that FeytY is friendly
71% of people think that FeytY is sentimental

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (14%) bold (28%) brave (14%) calm (0%) caring (28%) cheerful (28%) clever (0%) complex (0%) confident (28%) dependable (0%) dignified (14%) energetic (0%) extroverted (14%) friendly (85%) giving (0%) happy (14%) helpful (0%) idealistic (14%) independent (14%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (28%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (28%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (14%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (14%) sensible (0%) sentimental (71%) shy (0%) silly (28%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (42%) warm (14%) wise (0%) witty (28%)

And I never thought they see me as sentimental. I think im just in denial.

Its been a while since the last posted blog. I was busy with so many things. Prioritizing my day to day agenda.

My new Career

Of course, i admit it, changing career path is very challenging. The impression i had in call center is that its easy money and less brain work. Now im so ashamed for thinking so. Its really an eye opener for me working with the BEST Data Processing Company. Of course, learning the ropes is not that easy but the trainers make it easy and fun.

Sometimes when i go to work i think of the life i left with my previous job and ask if its really worth the transfer and i always get the answer right away. ITS WORTH IT. No regrets.

Wedding Preparation

Its fun working on a wedding and even more fun is working for your own grand event. Most of the things Hanz and I accomplished are still the same but slowly taking its place in the grand scheme of things. My mom is such a great help. She conceptualize on the attire for the Bridesmaids and Ninangs and the rest of the crew which I inspired her to (its my idea anyway). She's like my wedding coordinator. She looks for stuff for the reception decor and im so many things.

I remember the time i was so timid to tell her im getting married. Well, i know my mom, di dapat sya binibigla. Right timing is the key. Click here to view our Wedding Blog.

They say daughters end up being like their mothers, i say I wouldn't mind at all.


Being a Big Sister
My brother is the cutest brat este boy in the world. Actually, im the brat in the family and his the sane one. His 7 years old and the 20 years age gap didnt help at all. We constantly bicker about anything and everything. When i want a hug from him and he is busy playing ill bug him till he gets irate.
This week i accompanied him to the dentist twice and enrolled him for his summer class. Im not complaining. I love my brother so much and i would do anything for him.

So far thats whats keeping me busy plus watching PBB Uplate(thats the only time i can watch it), being a couch potato if i have time, catching up with sleep, reading Angels & Demons, hanging out with my HSBC friends and learning life one day at a time.